When leaving the hospital, the nurse asked would I like to be wheeled in a wheelchair or walk on my own. I decided to walk on my own. Looking back when I had our Drew and Luke, I was wheeled out holding them in my arms. This time, I was leaving without our son. I always joked with Matt that I loved getting the free 32 ounce water cups after delivering each of the boys, along with the free snacks….the little things in life. Here I was walking down the hall holding my free cup and not having our son to go home with us.
I treasure the time I had with Hope. After I delivered, I shared with Matt I was treating Hope in the same manner as I did Drew and Luke. The nurses were kind and answered my questions and respected my wishes. I asked, “How does this work?” Since Hope was gone prior to delivery and I was not sure if he could stay with me. The nurses said they would treat him like any newborn. He would have a bath, have a little outfit and he could stay with me as long as I wanted. I kept him with me for the whole 11 hours before I was discharged and I am glad I had those moments. When our older boys were infants, I would place them on my chest and just hold them. I had the same experience with Hope. I held him and prayed throughout the short 11 hours with him. When it was time to leave the hospital, I asked the nurse to give me five minutes with him. She was very understanding. Matt had went to get the car and it was just Hope and I.
As a child, my grandma LaVerne always sang “You Are My Sunshine” to me. At times, I sing “You are My Sunshine” to Drew and Luke. I was not leaving Hope without singing to him one of my favorite songs. It was not pretty, but I sang “You are My Sunshine” to him with my broken heart.
This summer, I was at one of my favorite stores, Red Door Gifts in Rolla, Mo with one of my best friends. While at Red Door Gifts, I looked up on a shelf and saw a You Are My Sunshine sign. I bought it not knowing where I would display it in our home. It now is on our wall next to a shadow box filled with Hope’s belongings: hospital bracelet, burp cloth I sewed for him, his footprints, his Love You to the Moon and Back outfit from my friend Amy and his ultrasound picture. I had no idea the You Are My Sunshine picture would mean so much to me in the future.
The other morning I was watching the 6 a.m. news and the news anchors were discussing the beautiful sunrise. It was very pretty to see on tv. As I was driving to work, I saw the shades of red, orange and pinks of the sunrise. There is something about the dawn of each morning. You are my sunshine…Hope.
Here is the link to Red Door Gifts
God is with us every day. It’s awesome to see His hand guiding our every move, but most of it is only appreciated in hindsight. Lean on Him, he knows your pain and can broaden your shoulders to bear the burden of grief.
Love to you!
Teri
Thank you Teri for the uplifting words. I truly appreciate your insight. Trusting in Him is so true. Thank you again for your encouragement. Love to you also, Robyn
Robyn, my grandpa used to sing that same song to us. There are not too many days that go by in which I don’t sing it to Bailey and Fletcher. For Bailey’s second Christmas I gave her a little necklace with that inscription!! “You are My Sunshine!” Thank you for posting this…always bring back great memories!! ?
Thank you Brenda. It’s such a simple song, but has a great message. Enjoy those sweet grand kids. All the best, Robyn
“It was not pretty, but I sang “You are My Sunshine” to him with my broken heart.”
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. So much so I started crying and had to attempt to explain it to Mike who didn’t know what I was reading.
I sing this song to my little girl all the time. She requests it. I hear her singing it in her crib when she should be sleeping. I more than appreciate the sentiment.
I want you to have all the most special things in the world. You deserve all of them. I know you are on your way. God Bless Hope.
Thank you Krysta. I appreciate your connection to the song. As moms, we have those special moments with our children. Enjoy each day with Gemma. Thank you for your kind words. All the best, Robyn